"I Am One Person Just Trying her best"
I’m a single mum of 3. Both of my daughters have SEND, and I often feel pulled in every direction with 3 completely different children who need very different things from me as their mum.
Bubble of Routine
As they get older, I’m finding the actual mum part much easier, and we often live in our own little bubble of routine and family.
The System is the Hardest Part
What I have always found the hardest part — and what makes me feel utter frustration — is the LA and service departments that should be offering help and support often don’t. The amount of buck-passing and lack of accountability is maddening.
"It often takes an official complaint to get the things my children are legally and morally entitled to, so that they can access suitable education and support."
I am so tired of having to fight every step of the way. I’m not naturally a confrontational person, but I learnt a long time ago that, unfortunately, that is the only way to deal with these situations.
Mum's Admin
I’m lucky in that I’ve always found the schools very helpful, and they really have done their best for my children, even in some difficult circumstances. It’s tough going, having 3 different schools, and making sure to keep up with all the basic mum admin.
Judgment and Self-Worth
I often find the judgment of others extremely difficult to tolerate. I’m a full-time parent carer, and I am asked quite regularly when I’m going to go back to work full-time.
This used to really affect my self-worth, with it being assumed that I am choosing a life of benefits rather than paid employment. With all the appointments and admin that comes with being a SEND mum, it is just not feasible.
Making Peace
I’ve made my peace with this over the years and realise that I am one person just trying her best.
I still find it very tough, as does my son, when people stare at my youngest daughter, who regularly stims and must use reins or a wheelchair for her own safety, and the meltdowns that can sometimes happen in public.
People like to say “don’t let it bother you”, but the reality is — it does bother me, especially when I can see it’s causing my son to be uncomfortable in the situation.
Hana